Readers Post, Surviving High School and Vogue..

I stumbled across this blog word from mouth, when realising everything it stood for I somehow had to get involved. What you're about to read is what I went through in high school to be thin.

Currently I'm in two conflicting worlds... Wanting to look like Abby Lee Kershaw and wanting the diet of Nigella. Am I really asking too much?

Since leaving high school I have put on 4kgs. However since year 9 I have managed to gain 9kgs... So it's obvious to say that I am living pretty healthy. I already know I drink maybe a little too much in a week but a girl lives once?

Going back to school days I took lengthy measures to be "skinny". In all honesty my influence was vogue and the other girls loosing weight around me. It was like if you weren't one of the skinniest girls you were a fat girl.... and honey let me tell you the "fat" girls were probably lighter than my current weight.

Throughout high school my eating plan quickly changed from pizza and thick shakes to the below;
Breakfast: half a handful of fibre cereal
Lunch: 95g of tuna and a light salada biscuit
Dinner: 95g tuna and handful of salad
Dessert: black tea and one sweetener (woah girl watch the kilojouls in that sweetener yea?)

This diet was Monday to Sunday and I had no time to indulge. Now as soon as the holidays came around this is where I really iced the cake, (funny because if anyone had given me cake I would have donated it to the nearest pot plant.) In the holidays I would run 7km 4 times a week and swim everyday.

By the end of the holidays I weighed 51kgs. My height is 5'6. 

I remember waking up one morning and weighing myself as I would any other morning and the scales read 52kg. I freaked, I weighed myself on every set of scales in the house and they all said 52kg. 

I cried and really hated myself. I tried on all of my clothes to see if they fit the same and began to take laxatives excessively. I came in contact with a wheat product that acts as a laxative and I added a spoon of that with every meal. It tasted vial and I to this day when I smell it I'm sick.

The laxative thing got that bad that I would vomit when running and could only run 3kms at a time. This is where my dad got involved. 

My mother would spur my weight loss on and now I realise she ain't eating a whole lot. 

My dad was already concerned because I was suffering clinical depression due to pressure I was putting on myself. I had this stupid idea in my head that if I had put on a certain amount of weight on by a particular date I would kill myself. 

I'm shaking my head at myself now thinking about it.

I would get text messages from girls at school warning me "I had gone too far". I thought they were just jealous but in all reality they were right.

After going through a little life change with dad I put on 10kgs. My dad told me I wasn't allowed to buy "books" such as vogue. 

My second spur of obsession with weight loss happened during year 12. It was triggered by getting in a huge fight with a bunch of girls. Because of emotional stress and insecurity, I lost 7kgs dropping back down to 54kgs.

I don't remember how it happened so quickly.. those days are clear as woodstock. 

I was that upset and hungry all the time, it just happened. But when I was loosing the weight I realised that I was actually avoiding food. 

Who secretly wouldn't want to be taking home a size 6/8 dress from a shop all the time?

Now school has finished I have been working a full time job for two years. I realised starving yourself is hard when you can't afford to drop the ball at work.

I mean I'm not saying I'm perfect now because I hate my hips arms and thighs and sometimes wonder if there is a way to make your toes skinnier but I have come to terms with having a real life, involves eating. 

If all I had to do today was mope around the house, I would probably weigh 10kgs less.

I don't know if reading this has helped anyone but in a small way I hope it has.